The Owl, the Wizard, and the Nightgown
by WingedFlight
Summary: In which George Weasley scopes out Muggle toys, his owl makes a mess, and a Muggle employee gets more than she bargained for.
1. Apparation, Parakeets, and a Nightgown

_**A/N: **This is a fic that was written by me and a schoolfriend, known as hospital-music on deviantart. We wrote this for a friend, and I'm afraid it's a little blatantly self-insert, but hope it's fun nonetheless. A link to the full explanation behind our writing exploits can be found at my LiveJournal (link on my profile). _

* * *

_Chapter One: In which George Weasley Apparates, parakeets are mentioned, Chaubauxdeux makes a mess, and a woman's nightgown is worn._

The moment George Weasley Apparated into Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, the entire store froze. Lee briefly entertained the thought that it was because everyone was so shocked to see George there – it was the first time he'd been inside the shop since the battle at Hogwarts – before he realized that a five year old had gotten into the box of Freezing Flashes.

It only took George a moment to recall the counter jinx, and a minute later he was at Lee's side, grinning in such a way that it was almost as though he had never been gone. (Of course, the grin was tighter now, and there was the matter of the missing ear, not to mention a certain noticeable absence that Lee knew better than to mention). Lee spared a moment to wonder how difficult returning to the shop must be for George, before taking a deep breath and getting down to business.

"Hey, Weasley," he said, flicking his wand to summon a clipboard from beside the till. "Just got a couple things you need to check. We've had a bit of a problem with a couple of our love potions – something involving parakeets, I believe..." He flipped through the stack of papers quickly, scanning for the correct page. "Ah, here. Yes, a Miss Dwight attempted to slip the potion into her crush's tea when a parakeet flew down and drank the entire cup. The bird would not leave her for a full twenty-four hours and she suffered several minor wounds from passionate pecking in the facial area. A similar thing seems to have happened in two other instances as well – parakeets both time."

"Interesting," George mused, "There must be something in the love potion that attracts parakeets. Or maybe it is the combination of the potion and a certain type of tea? We'll have to look into that, Fred -" There was an awkward pause, a flash of pain in George's eyes, before he continued, "-sorry, Lee. Some sort of Parakeet Attraction. That would be a hit, wouldn't it?"

Lee pretended not to have noticed George's slip, instead jotting down a note in the margin. "We'll have to visit the complainees for research purpose, I suppose?"

"Oh yes," George replied, and reached up to flick through the pages. "Wait – what's this? Our sales have gone down? But it doesn't make sense!"

Lee grimaced. He had been hoping to work up to this unwelcome news, but of course George had managed to get straight to the point. "It's that new shop that opened up a month ago – Archie's Muggle Toy Shop. Imitation Muggle toys are all the rage right now."

"Muggle Toys?" George repeated. There was a moment's silence as he contemplated this, and then, "Oh I get it. You-Know-Who was so anti-Muggle that now everyone is determined to prove themselves against him that they are all pro-Muggle. Therefore, Muggle Toys. I should have thought of that."

"Well, you have an excuse," Lee replied awkwardly.

George didn't answer him, but Lee hadn't expected him to. Instead he continued on as if Lee hadn't said a thing. "I guess I'll have to visit Mr. Archie himself, then."

"Ah, Fred Weasley, how wonderful to finally meet you, m'boy!" The older wizard gripped George's hand in a firm grip, shaking it energetically. George cringed. _You'd think by now I'd be used to this_, he mused, and it was a moment before he spoke.

"It's George. Mr. Archie Humbucker – may I call you Archie?" he inquired. Slipping into business mode was the easiest way, lately, for him to keep from missing his usual business partner. Behind him, Lee examined the shop of Muggle toys, moving from counter to counter, taking a mental inventory. To his dismay, most of what he saw was unfamiliar.

"Of course you can. Mr. Humbucker makes me feel old," he stated, agreeably. "What can I do you boys for?"

"What's this?" Lee asked from the other end of the store, holding up a cylindrical object and shaking it.

"Don't shake that, m'boy, it's called a kaleidoscope! You look into it at light, and it sparkles! All the rage right now, my dears, all the rage." Archie leaned against his sales counter. While most members of the wizarding community seemed to have aged years over the past few months, Archie stood in direct contrast to the norm. Good business had been good for him. Once a crotchety old man, he now sprung across the sales floor with all the vigour of a young wizard to land, cross-legged, on the counter beside the till. George winced. Some things may have changed, but Archie Humbucker had not lost his penchant for Muggle women's nightclothes, and they in turn had not lost their ability to deliver a healthy breeze to his privates.

"Ah, yes. We're here on business, actually," the redhead stated, averting his gaze away from the offending area. "Been considering opening a Muggle toys division of Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes, and, to avoid nasty competition, wanted to come openly to ask if you have any advice to give. I'm sure you've got plenty of wisdom that could save us from some - erm - unfortunate mistakes." George and Lee had considered more covert operations, but in the end, forthright honesty had won. This, while partly due to a hopeful sense of idealism, was mostly the result of George being unable to bribe his younger siblings into performing this research for him. It figured, he supposed. They weren't ten years old anymore.

To his dismay, Archie shifted, taking the nightdress with him. His eyes narrowed. "Oh. I see."

"So therefore," George continued, blithely ignoring Archie's glare, "You wouldn't mind if we looked around, would you?" He lifted a fist-sized yellow duck from the bin to his right. "For instance – I've never seen one of these before. What does it do?"

Archie's eyes gleamed with pure delight. "Squeeze it."

George had no idea what to expect – maybe the duck would turn purple or expel water or light up or explode – but the high-pitched squeak startled him and he fumbled with the toy before dropping it.

"Blimey," he gasped, and a grin lit up his face. "That's brilliant!"

Archie's eyes narrowed again. "They're mine. You can't sell them."

George raised his hands in self defence. "All right, all right!" Glancing across the store, he called, "Oi, Lee. What's that you're looking at?"

At that moment there was a loud, metallic crash, and Lee sprung up from the floor, tangled in several large, silver springs.

"You idiot!" Archie cried out, and sprang from the counter in indignant rage. "You'll wreck them all!" He disappeared into the maze of aisles, leaving George alone beside the front desk. George glanced idly over at the leather bound sales book that sat upon the counter, then pursed his lips and whistled high C. With a flash of purple-dyed feathers (the result of an experiment gone wrong), a small owl alighted on the counter.

"Hello, Chaubauxdeux," George grinned. "This book here, please." He watched as the owl sank his claws into the leather and lifted into the air. The book was heavy though, while Chaubauxdeux was a relatively young owl, and several shelves of tiny glass baubles and oddly proportioned blond dolls were knocked to the ground before the owl and book disappeared out the door.

Across the store, Archie leapt onto a shelf to glare at George, a finger pointing at the door "You!" he barked. "Out! Now!" This may have been more intimidating had he not been clad in the Muggle nightgown.

"Mais oui," George replied. "Au revoir!" Then, having used all his knowledge of the French language, he gestured to Lee and strode to the exit.

"What on Earth are these?" Lee asked, pausing to study the dolls that lay scattered across the floor. All were incredibly skinny, had impossibly long necks and tiny feet, and were dressed in what appeared to be designer clothes.

"Bar-bee-dolls," George sounded out. "I wonder what they have to do with Australian barbeques."

"I wonder why anyone would want a doll dressed like a slut," Lee snorted.

George shrugged. "Muggles. Who knows what goes on in their heads?"

"I don't get it."

It had been several days since the adventure in Humbucker's Muggle Toys, and George had spent hours in his study pouring over the ordering forms Chaubauxdeux had retrieved (fine, stolen) from the cross-dressing wizard's desk.

"Don't get what?" Lee popped into the study with a puff of blue smoke, and coughed. Since taking a position as a shop assistant, he'd become increasingly fond of showy entrances, health hazards be damned.

"These - these toys!" George exclaimed, and added under his breath, "If you can even call them that."

"What's wrong with them?"

"They're so....so boring. Oh so boring. Incredibly, stupendously, fantastically boring. Here, look at this one - this doll doesn't move on it's own, and if you pull the string on the back, it says one of five phrases. Five. And these balls here? All they do when you drop them is bounce. And get a load of this chessboard - if you lose a piece, you just set it off to the side. No explosions or struggles. No fun."

"Blimey. I almost feel bad for those Muggles," Lee said with a sympathetic nod. "So, what are we gonna do?"

"Well, we can't sell any of these. People just won't buy them. I guess we've got to do some more research - Archie must've known we'd be coming, and planted a fake record trail for us. Yes, that must be it. I mean, come on. Mechanical hamsters? Plastic broomsticks that don't fly? Give me a break. They're Muggles, not stupid - nobody's gonna want to play with any of this stuff." If George Weasley had a beard, he probably would have stroked it just then. "So, plan B."

"We have a plan B?"

George grinned and, for a moment, looked more like his pre-war self. "We go incognito, my friend. To a real Muggle toy shop. See how they do it, firsthand." He cracked his knuckles. "This oughta be fun."

"That, or this is a horrible idea," Lee was less than enthusiastic. The last time he had seen George with that look in his eye, a particular corridor had found itself the sudden host of a portable swamp.

"Aren't those the best kind?"


	2. Work, Floundering, and Hallucinations

_**A/N: **So, my apologizes, but it seems that the site is deleting any scene breaks, which quite possibly confused people for the previous chapter. I think I've found a way around this, so I'll go back and fix that as soon as this chapter is posted. And just in case you paid absolutely no attention to the A/N at the beginning of the first chapter (in which case I have no idea why I am writing this, seeing how unlikely it is that you're now reading this one) but there's a whole explanation of the collabing adventure with me and my friend _hospital-music_ at my livejournal, including a link to our decoyfic, and a link to hm's deviantart profile._

* * *

_Chapter Two: In which Katie is working, George flounders, and Jay has a hallucination._

It was one of those slow days at work - the sort of day when Katie would stand at the service desk with the bland sort of hope that a customer might possibly arrive. It was a Tuesday night, and nearly all the store employees were half-asleep, much too worn out from school or work to hold any creative conversation.

Katie, however, was full of boundless energy, having slept most of the morning and having consumed an extra-large coffee an hour ago. She was practising some dance steps - drop toes, to be exact - to pass the time, but even that was beginning to wear thin, so she switched to rolls instead.

The familiar swoosh of the automatic sliding doors stopped Katie mid-roll, and she looked up in excitement to see a man with flaming red hair and one ear - really? - looking about the store with a critical air.

No one else was around, so Katie hurried out from behind the counter to greet him. "Hello, and welcome to ToysRUs!" she exclaimed, with an unusual enthusiasm that seemed to take the man aback. Then, recovering with a wide grin, he stuck out his hand. "Hello, I'm George Weasley of the Mug - er, Toy Shop Review Board. Mind showing me around?"

Katie's eyes narrowed. "You mean, you're a mystery shopper? They, uh, usually don't introduce themselves." Thrown off-guard, it took a moment for her to regain her composure. "You're new to this, aren't you?"

"Oh. Well, yes. First day on the job, in fact. Mind showing me around?" George found himself repeating the question, head tilted in such a way that his hair fell to obscure his ear (or, lack thereof).

"Well, I can't leave my desk...." Katie sounded wistful. This one-eared stranger was interesting, and (dare she say it) cute. "I'll page somebody to show you around, though?"

"Oh, yes. That would be wonderful." George straightened his tie in an attempt to project himself as more respectable. That was one good thing about a trip overseas - nobody recognized him here as a troublemaker. Despite this, Muggle clothing made him uncomfortable, and he couldn't help but think that maybe Archie had been on to something. Or maybe, catching the girl's eye and flushing the same color as his hair, maybe not. Katie lifted the phone receiver and spoke into the intercom before turning back to the stranger.

"So, where're you from? That's a British accent, right?" Her attempt at conversation wasn't the most elegant, but she decided it would have to do.

"Oh. Yes, I'm British," George said. "Came out here - oh, on business, I should say."

"I thought you were a mystery shopper?" Katie arched an eyebrow, practicing another dance step behind the counter.

"Well, yes. What I meant to say was -" George actually didn't know what he'd meant to say, and stalled. This could get very awkward, very fast. He wasn't used to talking to Muggles.

"Did you lose your train of thought?" Katie asked, having watched awkwardly as George seemingly zoned out. "You were saying you had come on business to be a mystery shopper?"

"Ah - yes. Yes, I was. It's a new program - see how foreign shoppers enjoy the mystery."

"What mystery?"

George realized he was treading dangerous waters. "The, um, mystery for the shopper? That's what mystery shoppers do, isn't it? Solve a mystery?"

Katie frowned and pursed her lips, all dance steps forgotten. "You really _are_ new at this, aren't you? Don't you get instructions about how to go about this?"

"Yes," George answered quickly. "I just wasn't paying attention." With a wink he leaned over the counter. "So, going to show me around?"

_Yes,_ Katie thought, because he really was cute, only she couldn't leave the counter and she had already called for someone to show him around. Unless...

"Okay, fine. I can show you around. What do you need help finding today, sir?" After all, a customer this attractive didn't show up every single day. Despite the British accent, he was right up there with the Irish on the "Good-Looking Men" scale.

- x -

Meanwhile, at her station at a deserted till, Jay stared dully at the television screens above the electronic's department. They were showing the remastered version of Cinderella, and it was better than looking at her feet. Something caught her attention, and she blinked. Was that - ? "No way," she breathed, pulling her hair out of her eyes and cleaning her glasses. By the time the spectacles were perched back on her nose, the purple owl sitting behind the set had vanished. "Weird," she muttered. "Note to self - get more sleep."


	3. Hallucinating, Hamsters, and Chaubaudeux

_**A/N: **So, remember (or not) how I mentioned that the Katie of this story was really my friend from real life? And that my other friend and I collabed this fic together for her? (For the whole story, check out my LJ - link on my profile). Anyway, the inserts just keep coming. Meagan equals myself, and Jay equals my co-writer friend (known as hospital-music on deviantart). Yes, this is all true stuffs. Even George working the magic. ;)_

* * *

_Chapter Three: In which Meagan also hallucinates, mechanical hamsters are discussed, and Chaubauxdeux causes problems._

Most Tuesdays, Meagan could be found at home, working on one of her stories and pretending to her parents that she was doing homework. On this night, however, two days before her sister's birthday, she was on a mission: Go to Toys "R" Us, find a suitable present, see if any of her friends who worked there had shifts (and if so, make their night), and get home with time for writing another chapter before bed. She had an hour to get this done, before her dad would be back to pick her up. _Ready, go! _she thought with amusement, and wished a friend was with her so she could play ninja without looking like a loser.

After an initial look-about, Meagan thought she saw Katie at the service desk, but there was a customer there, and Meagan didn't want to intrude. Instead, she wandered down to the electronics section, thinking that her sister was reaching the age where she'd probably appreciate a new game more than a Barbie. She browsed the section quickly, shooting glances over to the service desk every few seconds to see if Katie was done.

It occurred to Meagan after a minute or two that one of the cashiers was behaving strangely - jumping up and... calling her name? Meagan brightened immediately and scurried to the till, where Jay was quite thrilled to have company.

"I was waving at you long enough," Jay commented dryly.

Meagan had the good sense to look ashamed. "I spotted Katie first and was looking to see if she was done with that customer yet." She paused, and added defensively, "And your back was to the entrance. It really could have been anyone working cashier."

"True," Jay conceded.

The discussion would have most likely turned to something incredibly ordinary, had Meagan not glanced over at the service desk again and frowned. "Is that - did that stuffed owl just move?"

"Stuffed owl?" Jay repeated incredulously.

"Yup. Small, purple owl," she nodded her chin to point it out, but at that moment, the owl disappeared. Meagan blinked, thinking that maybe, just maybe, her eyes were playing tricks. No such luck. "It's gone."

"Oh, hell no," Jay narrowed her eyes. "Are you messing with me? I mean, you saw it, right?" Meagan nodded, bouncing up and down. In response, Jay released a breath and sighed. "Yeah, I saw it too."

"It's - not stuffed?"

"No, it's been hanging around for the last twenty minutes, hooting at me and being all purple and stuff. Thought I was going insane."

"Oh. Well, how do we know we're not? We could just be both going insane at the same time," Meagan suggested, though not all that helpfully. Jay absently adjusted her nametag before responding.

"Oh, lovely. That's exactly what I wanted to hear."

Meagan rolled her eyes. "You really need to cut back on the sarcasm."

"We're going crazy. Sarcasm is humanity's natural defense against crazy," Jay quipped, sitting on the edge of her till despite the company regulations that stated specifically that she could not do that. The sudden invasion of an apparent drove of purple owls, she decided, were reason enough to break a rule or two.

- x -

"I need Mug - I mean, children's toys," George stated confidently. Katie just oggled, incredulous.

"This is Toys "R" Us, sir," she stated. "I'm afraid we have quite a few children's toys; you'll need to be more specific than that."

"Oh. Well, what are your best sellers?" George found himself floundering a bit. He hadn't expected a Muggle toy store to be so...complicated. If one didn't know any better, they'd almost believe that the Muggles thrived off of making simple things complicated. Though, he supposed that a life without magic would be boring enough that to add variety in any form, even as tedious frustration, would be a relief.

"Well, right now, Zuu Zuu's are popular, I guess," Katie shrugged. "They're little mechanical hamsters."

"No way. Blimey, Humbucker was right," George breathed before he could stop himself, and then flushed at the look on Katie's face.

"Humbucker? Sir, are you alright?" she said, trying to be polite. He nodded, attempting to compose himself.

"Yes, I'm fine. Tell me more about these.....hamsters."

"Weeell," Katie began, and paused as she thought of what to say. Generally, she told the customer of the attributes of the toy - _"like a real hamster without the mess!" _- but somehow it felt really odd to say to George. "It's - well, it acts just like a real hamster, only it doesn't make a mess."

Well, so much for being original there.

George was frowning. "What's so special about a hamster that acts real but isn't real?"

Katie just shook her head. "There's no mess? It doesn't die? It doesn't behead its offspring and eat the carcasses?"

"Right." George was going to make a comment along the lines of _'Why not just keep a real hamster in a self-cleaning cage?' _before he remembered Muggles didn't have self cleaning cages. "May I see one?"

Katie wove through the aisles with George following close behind - so close, in fact, that when she stopped, he bumped into her, and there was an awkward moment of mumbled apologies that ended with Katie blushing and George examining his shoes.

"So the, uh, the Zuu Zuu's," Katie stuttered, having a hard time bringing herself back on track. "Here they are."

George looked at the little fur-covered mechanical hamsters and warily reached out to pick up the box. Nothing inside moved, which was strange - toys generally danced around inside their boxes. He tapped on the plastic covering, wondering if the hamster toy was asleep.

"You have to push their noses," Katie corrected, and demonstrated. The hamster made a rooster sound.

George felt his eyes grow round, and copied Katie's actions. The hamster did it again.

"Incredible!" he exclaimed. "Brilliant!"

Slightly taken aback by his exuberant exclamations, Katie wondered if she should ask whether he wanted to buy it or not. "Zuu Zuu pets are currently on sale for $12.97," she began, but was cut off by a loud scream from across the store.

Katie jumped, and George dropped the box in surprise. "Is that a toy?" he asked hesitantly. It was hard to know for sure in a Muggle store.

But Katie was shaking her head, her eyes round as saucers. "I've never heard it if it was," she replied.

"Well, then," George said decisively, and dashed down the aisle to find the source of the scream. Katie followed, and quickly passed him.

George sprinted after her, slightly taken aback by the Muggle girl's speed. _I pity those Muggles_, he mused as he ran, _how dreadfully inconvenient to have to actually RUN to the source of a crisis_._ But, she does seem to be in shape._

Katie reached the source of the scream first, and had to drag it out from behind the display of bubbles.

George spared a moment to wonder how they worked - there seemed to be a tiny wand inside the jewel-toned plastic container, though he didn't see how it could actually be a functional one. It was a silly shape, and appeared utterly useless. He made a mental note to ask Katie about it later, then turned his attention back to the matter at hand.

The noise had come from a tiny blonde girl with a red vest and nametag that read, "Kelsey". She seemed to be rather hysterical, and George leaned in closer in an attempt to discern the cause.

"There's - there was - oh my god, there was an owl in my hair! And it was PURPLE!"

Oh, dear. Chaubauxdeux. Well, this was awkward. "Don't worry, ma'am. He's harmless."

Katie's eyes just about popped out of her head, and she stared at George. "He's yours?" Both Muggle girls fixed him with a stare, and he shifted uncomfortably. "You brought an owl into the store?"

"Well, yes," George admitted, "Why not?" He stared at his shoes.

"This is a toy store, sir! Not a pet store!" Katie flushed.

"But he's my owl. What if I needed to send a letter?"

"Then you use the post office! How - how on earth could an OWL send a letter?" Too late, George remembered that Muggles did not use owl delivery. They had something called a Mailman. Come rain, wind, sleet, or hail, or something along those lines. In his opinion that sounded like a rather uncomfortable job, but, as previously established, nothing these non-magical people did made much sense. Oops.

Katie bit her lip. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to ask you to take your - your owl - and leave." It really was a shame, she thought. Why were all the good-looking ones always completely insane?


	4. Teddy Bear, Black Eyes, & Traumatization

_**A/N: **Thanks so much for the reviews and alerts and favs so far! (That's from Jay as well!) Btw, I've got a poll going on my page for what I should write next. Check it out!_

* * *

_Chapter Four: In which_ _George is kicked out of Toys "R" Us, a teddy bear is destroyed, Jay gets a black eye, and Katie is traumatized by a nightgown._

George studied Katie's face in near shock. Had she really just kicked him out because he'd brought his (marginally misbehaved) owl into the store? "I-" he began, and then realized that whatever he said would most likely only make the situation all the worse. He had such a talent for making things worse that when it was time to make things better, George had difficulties.

"Chaubaudeux!" he called, looking up hopefully. There was no sign of the bird.

"Is that the name of your owl?" Katie asked hesitantly.

George nodded and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Of course, he _would_ choose this time to misbehave." He spun about slowly, searching for any sign of purple feathers. "Oi, Chaubauxdeux!"

There was a large, blue, bouncy ball lying forgotten in the center of the aisle at George's feet. Katie noticed it with shock and warned, "Sir, be careful, there's a..."

Too late. With a crash, rattle, bang, George tripped over the ball and fell against a display of bicycles. One after another they fell against each other like dominoes.

"Sorry, sorry!" George exclaimed, and jumped to his feet only to trip over a spinning wheel and fall flat on his face again. Katie rushed over to help him detangle himself from the various metal bars and rubber tires.

"Thank you very much," George said politely when he was free, and he paused to straighten his tie in a belated attempt to appear more professional. "So, where were we?"

"You were just leaving," Katie supplied helpfully.

"Ah, yes. Chaubauxdeux!"

The shout was much louder than Katie had expected, as well as incredibly close to her ear. She jumped back with a scowl. "Maybe if we made our way to the door, your owl will find you there."

George thought about it momentarily, and then nodded in agreement. "Good thinking, very good thinking." Softly, he added under his breath, "If I didn't know better, I"d swear you were a Ravenclaw."

"A what?"

_A Ravenclaw with exceptionally good hearing,_ George thought wryly, and aloud replied, "Er, family relatives. They are, er, all smart. Incredibly so."

"I see."

As they neared the front of the store, Katie with her Ravenclaw-hearing heard a thump from several aisles over. It was followed immediately by an abruptly muffled screech, and dual shouts of triumph.

"That sounds like -" Katie and George spoke in unison, and both blushed.

"Like my owl," George finished his sentence, while Katie said, "Like my friends."

Another screech tore through the store. Somebody screamed, and somebody else swore.

"Definitely my owl," George confirmed.

"Definitely my friends."

Before they could move to determine the cause of the commotion, the cause of the commotion came to them. Meagan and Jay came careening around the aisle, eyes wild, struggling to keep a grip on an enormous stuffed teddy bear. That was all well and fine, aside from the fact that the bear appeared to be trying to flap.

"Chaubauxdeux!" George cried out.

"Guys, what _are _you doing?" Katie exclaimed, "Unhand that owl! I - I can't believe I just said that."

"No!" Meagan said, refusing to relinquish her death grip on the bear wrapped around the struggling fowl. George couldn't help it. His face twisted up at seeing his owl in distress, and he muttered a spell under his breath. With a soft, puffy sort of sound, the teddy bear exploded and the owl soared to the ceiling along with a flurry of foam stuffing.

Chaubauxdeux looked insulted, Jay looked stunned, Meagan looked absolutely gobsmacked, George looked smug, and Katie looked astonished.

"He's purple!"

Jay would have facepalmed if her hand wasn't bleeding from a recent encounter with a talon. "Yes, Katie. We noticed that the owl is purple."

Taking no notice of her disgruntled peon, Katie turned to George with wide eyes. "Why is he purple?"

"She's a girl," George responded with a grin, "And it was kinda an accident."

"She's mean," Meagan whined, nursing a scratched arm. Jay nodded in agreement.

"She's amazing!" Katie said, "How on earth do you accidentally turn an owl purple?"

"It's a long story," George dismissed the question with a wave of his hand. "Gotta say, I'm impressed. How'd you guys catch her?" Usually Chaubauxdeux was clever enough to stay away from Muggles. He held out an arm and the owl perched on it with a contented hoot.

"Uh, another long story," Jay tried to dodge the question, but Meagan simplified it.

"We used a jump rope, some silly putty, a hula hoop, and a teddy bear!" She beamed with pride.

"I still want to know how she got turned purple," Katie pouted.

At that moment, the automatic doors opened with a loud WOOSH and everyone jumped in surprise. Standing in the entrance, looking quite pleased with himself and quite annoyed with George, was Archie Humbucker.

"Is he wearing... a nightgown?" Katie whispered in horror.

"Purple owls are bad enough," Meagan muttered, "but now I'm _certain_ we've gone insane!"

"I'd think I was dreaming, if my black eye didn't hurt so bad," Jay commented.

Katie was distracted momentarily. "Wait - you have a black eye? Again?"

"Again?" George repeated with a grin. "I'm guessing this one came from my owl, but how did you get the first?"

Jay looked accusingly at Meagan, whose eyes widened wildly. "It was an accident!"

"You really don't want to know," Katie murmured.

"Excuse me," coughed Humbucker, whose dramatic entrance was decidedly less dramatic than he had planned.

George groaned as the others turned back to the cross-dressing wizard. "Yes?" Katie asked helpfully. "Can I help you to find something?"

"Oh, I've found it," Humbucker growled, and stomped up to poke a finger against George's chest. "You, George Weasley, stole my bookkeeping accounts."

"I did what?" George asked in alarm, and put on his best innocent face.

"My bookkeeping accounts!" Humbucker repeated. Spittle from his mouth was flying onto George's face. "And I know it was you because the thief left behind a feather - and it was_ purple_!"

All eyes were drawn to the lavender-feathered bird perched on George's arm. Chaubauxdeux preened her feathers, pretending not to notice, while discreetly pleased at the attention.

"But I returned your accounts," George protested weakly. "I only wanted to take a look. I put them back as soon as I finished - promise!"

"Well they aren't there now, so you must still have them!"

"Why on earth would you steal bookkeeping accounts?" Katie asked in horror.

Humbucker narrowed his eyes. "Because my shop is doing better than his!"

"You have a shop?" Katie gaped.

"Dun dun dun," Jay intoned, feeling the moment needed something. Meagan smacked her in the arm, and she pouted.

"Don't look at me like that," George shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "I was doing field research, nobody got hurt, and I swear I put the book back as soon as I was done!"

"You swish and flick-er!" Humbucker cried out, pointing an accusatory finger again. George was sorely tempted to cast a Shield Charm to deflect the flying drool, but the last thing he needed was to be called before the Ministry for preforming magic in front of Muggles. He resisted the urge.

"If it's not there now," he forced his voice to be collected, "that's because one of your employees lost it. I left it sitting right on your desk."

"You son of a banshee!" Humbucker swore, "I don't have any employees!"

"Oh. Right-o, then," George glanced around wildly for help. "I still didn't take it. Or, rather, I did take it, but then I put it back. Look, mate, I wouldn't do something like that. Hell, it'd be enough to get my shop closed down. Why'd I risk that?"

"Dragon bogeys! Of course it would be! And that, BOY, is exactly why I fully intend to inform the Ministry about this abomination! _They _will get to the truth of the matter!" Archie crossed his arms and attempted to look self-righteous. Of course, this would have been far more effective if his nightgown hadn't been printed with cartoon skunks. Katie winced as another customer came through the automatic door, raising a healthy breeze around Archie's...she glanced down. Jay snickered.

George, meanwhile, was attempting to not panic. "Hey, look. If you get the book back, there's no reason for this to have to go down that route, right?"

"Well, I suppose not. I AM, after all, a very reasonable man," Archie conceded. Jay opened her mouth with some witty retort or other, but Meagan punched her arm again. "Fine, boy. You have a day. If that book is back on my desk before sunset tomorrow, I will drop all charges. If not..." Before the threat could be fully absorbed, Archie reached out with his hands to grab both Katie and George's arms.

"Ow!" Katie exclaimed for, despite his feminine wear, Archie had a grip of steel. "What are you doing? Get your hands off me!"

George realized what Archie was about to do, and in a panicked attempt to prevent the situation from exploding from bad to so-much-worse, he babbled, "Archie - stop! Let go! She doesn't know. She's a Muggle!"

"Don't try your tricks with me, young man," Archie huffed in reply, and before George could say anything else, he Apparated away from the store.

There was a moment of stunned silence as Jay and Meagan looked at the spot where George, Katie, and Archie had once stood, looked at each other, and then looked at the spot again.

"I solemnly swear," Meagan said in a shaky voice, "that I am never eating that many chocolate Easter eggs in one sitting ever again."

Jay gulped. "Ditto. If I wasn't already so sure I was insane, I am now."


	5. Apparation, Problems, and Fizzy Mint

_**A/N: **So sorry for the delay in getting this next chapter out - I've been having a bit of a busy week. Without further ado...__Chapter Five: In which Katie Apparates for the first time, George faces a problem, and something mint is fizzy._

* * *

Katie would never after be able to forget the strangled feeling of twisting and pulling, an eternity passing all in one second, like falling and jumping upwards all at the same time. It happened in the blink of an eye, and then all of the sudden she found she was standing in the center of a strange, old-fashioned toy shop full of slinkies and marbles and other old school toys. She took one step forward to take a look and then bent over with the overwhelming feeling she was about to be sick.

"Not on _my _floor, you don't!" Archie roared, and a trash bin appeared - appeared! - beneath her mouth not a second too soon.

George stood off to the side and tried not to watch as Katie's stomach emptied itself rather violently. Archie, on the other hand, was not nearly so polite, and stood glaring at her the entire time.

"Sorry," Katie gasped when she was finished. "You wouldn't have a damp cloth, by any chance?"

She watched dumbfounded as Archie waved his wand - wand! - and a damp cloth materialized in her hand. "Don't suppose you'd like a toothbrush too?" he growled, and before Katie could reply, he'd waved his wand again, and a toothbrush had joined the damp cloth.

"Better yet," George interceded, "try one of these." He dug around in his pocket until he managed to produce a sky-blue gumball (or something that looked incredibly like a gumball) and handed it over. "It'll make your mouth taste minty-fresh."

She studied the gumball warily. "What is it?"

George shifted from side to side again, an anxious habit that he made a mental note to try and kick. What on earth did Muggles use to clean their teeth, anyways? "Erm, fluoride?"

Katie seemed to accept that answer, popping the blue sphere into her mouth. All at once her tongue exploded, mint fizziness penetrating so far into her tastebuds that she could feel it tingle all the way down to her toes. "What - what IS that?" she sputtered as she spat the offending object out. It landed on the floor and made a smooshing sound as it hit and dissolved into a foam that would be sure to leave the tiled floor fresh.

Before George could offer up a suitably mundane explanation, Humbucker crossed his arms and huffed. "It's a Mint Fuzzlie. Lord, girl, with all your being sick over Apparating and not knowing what a Mint Fuzzlie is, you look like a Mug - " All the color drained from his face in that moment, and he whirled towards George.

"She's a Muggle?" Outrage filled his voice, and George took a step back, lifting his hands in self-defense.

"To be fair, mate, I did try and warn you."

"Oh, Voldemort's nipples!" Since the Dark Lord's defeat, his name had become one of the foulest cuss words a wizard could utter. Doubly so when combined with the word 'nipples'. George cringed as he spared a moment to imagine his mother's reaction to such filthy language, and glanced over at Katie, who was nudging the foam with a toe as she gagged. "The Ministry will be all over us! This - this is YOUR fault, boy!" He pointed that same finger at George again, who was severely tempted to summon a mousetrap.

"Blimey, you'd almost think I was the one who Apparated her," he grumbled as he took a step closer to the Irish dancer. "Katie? Are you okay?" Much to his surprise, she lifted her glance up to him and gave a wide grin.

"That - that tasted amazing! My mouth is totally fine! How - how'd you DO that?" she exclaimed and, as if an afterthought, "And what - **what **- is a Muggle?"

He paused a moment, not sure how to answer that. "I'll - look, I'll explain later. Do you feel okay?"

"Better." Katie grinned half-heartedly and moved away to look around the shop. "Is this some sort of... curiousity shop or something?"

"A curiousity shop?"

"Yeah, one of those places that has toys from decades past and odd little trinkets and magic tricks."

George shot a worried glance at Humbucker, but the old man seemed to have been reduced to glares. "Magic tricks?" George repeated uneasily. "We don't have any magic here. None whatsoever."

"I didn't mean that _all _curiousity shops had them, just..." her voice faded into a suspicious frown. "Why are you so defensive about that, anyway?"

"No reason. I wasn't being defensive at all."

Katie's frown deepened. "And you haven't explained how we got here, either. Or what that mint fuzz-thing was. Or -"

"Look," George said quickly, feeling the situation deteriorate rapidly, "I've got some shop accounts to locate. You stay right here and as soon as I find them, I'll take you right back to where you came from and no one will be any the wiser. All right?"

Humbucker's glare was even worse, and he burst out, "Keep her here in my shop!"

George wondered if it would help if he fell to his knees - but no, that would probably just make things even worse. "Look, Archie - may I call you Archie?"

"No!" Humbucker spat.

"Look, Humbucker, we can't let the Ministry know she's here. Just hide her while I find your accounts and -"

"You are _not _keeping this Muggle in my shop!"

Katie had just about had enough. Raising herself to her full height, she fixed both shop owners with a glare and demanded, "What is a Muggle?" She was convinced she was being insulted, and not about to stand for it.

"It's, um, British slang for 'girl'. Like, 'broad' used to be in old New York?" George suggested hopefully, well aware how the rest of the world fully believed the British were bonkers.

"I don't believe that," Katie shot back. For a moment, she wanted to stick out her tongue, but managed to keep it in. Combined with the fact that she was still wearing her red Toys R Us vest, she was certain the effect would not be pleasant. "You say you need to find these shop records, well, let me help you!"

"No, I don't need help. I'm fine."

"Well, Mr. - Mr. Humbucker, was it? Mr. Humbucker clearly does not want me here, and, between you and me -" Katie lowered his voice, " - between you and me, his nightgown is going to make me throw up again."

"Hey, I resent that!" Archie exclaimed, "This nightgown is a very fine piece of Muggle attire!"

"Yeah, if you're a woman and a foot shorter," Katie snorted, and turned back to a snickering George, "I'm sure I can help you somehow. Hey, not like today can get any weirder, can it?" As far as she was concerned, if today did get any weirder, well...purple owls, vanishing shop records, and mint fizz bombs. That had to be enough weird, at least for the time being.

"You know what? Fine. Let's go," George extended his arm towards Katie. "What the hell, eh? Ministry's already gonna take away my license, may as well have some fun."

"That's the spirit!" Katie took the arm, then backpedaled through that statement. "Which Ministry? You didn't take those records, you can't possibly get your shop shut down for it."

"Oh, uh, never mind. Don't know what I was thinking," George dodged the question, albeit without much grace. With any luck at all, he'd be able to Confund her when this was all over and this entire episode would become nothing more than a particularly bizarre dream. Yes, that would have to be the plan. It was, however, quite the shame. He'd meant it when he said she'd have made an exceptional Ravenclaw.

Before Katie could think too intently on her situation, the horrible twisting not-falling sensation gripped her stomach again, and she gasped. George muttered a spell under his breath before she could be sick, and the nausea went away before it had a chance to become bad. She blinked.

"Wow."

"Welcome to Diagon Alley," George grinned.


	6. Slave, Bounce, and A Close Encounter

_**A/N: **Afraid it's been a while since I last posted a chapter on this story. Sorry about that. I've been preoccupied with Narnia (the trailer came out for VDT!). Cough._

* * *

_Chapter 6: In which_ _Meagan is treated as a slave, Always Bouncing Balls stop bouncing, and Katie has a close encounter with a love potion._

"Welcome to Diagon Alley," George grinned, taking her by the hand and leading her forwards.

"So... where exactly are we going?" Katie asked, tearing her eyes away from the strange cloaked people that filled the alley. It felt as though she was walking through a movie set, only there weren't any cameras (that she could see) and it felt too real. Movie sets were generally made out of plastic and half-finished buildings, right? So if this wasn't a movie set, where was she?

"My, er, shop." George cast an anxious glance over his shoulder as though worried that he might be caught - by who? The mysterious Ministry? - and picked up the pace.

"So you do have a shop."

"Eh, yeah. Yeah, I do."

She tried to ignore the owls passing freely overhead - in the middle of the day? - in order to scrutinize his face. "So why on earth were you pretending to be a mystery shopper?"

She could tell he was trying to appear as nonchalant as possible. "I, uh, you were the one who thought I was a mystery shopper."

"You didn't say otherwise."

A momentary grimace crossed his face, replaced instantly by an expression of relief. "Ah, here we are. In, in, in. Quickly, please."

George opened the door with a flourish and hustled her inside, but not before Katie caught sight of the flashy sign that proclaimed, "Weasley's Wizard Wheezes! Now selling Cotton Candy Flavored Pygmy Puffs - the pets you can eat!"

"Pets you can eat?" She read aloud, but before George could answer, she'd seen the inside of the store. "Pets you can eat?" she repeated, but that statement didn't even seem miraculous compared to the rest of the room.

It was rather small, the walls draped in some form of shimmering purple fabric. The shop had two levels, and every square inch of space was taken up by something incredible. Puffs of blue smoke floated up with alarming regularity from a stand in the corner, but rather than being alarmed, George grinned and inhaled deeply. Katie followed suit, astonished to find that it smelled like cherry licorice.

"Wow!" she said, but before she could really absorb that Katie noticed an enclosure on a tabletop filled with what appeared to be little pink pom-poms. As she watched, a glistening pink tongue emerged from one of the puffs. It wound carefully around the table, tore off a piece of fluff from another, and then retreated back to it's owner, who made tiny contented crunching sounds. She blinked, and George shook his head.

"Only problem with cotton candy flavored Pygmy Puffs - they keep eating each other."

"I see. That sounds like, erm, like quite the problem," Katie stammered. It also sounded an awful lot like cannibalism, but she decided to not mention that. There was something to be said for Zhu Zhus after all. George grinned.

"So, what do you think?"

"I think...well, I think I could probably spend the rest of my life looking around here, and still find new stuff to be completely blown away by." There, that was diplomatic enough.

"Great to hear," George beamed like a toddler showing off a crayon drawing. "Hang tight here for a minute? Gotta track down my assistant, see if he knows anything about where those files went off to." With that, he strode off. In hindsight, perhaps he would not have left the Muggle girl alone in a magical shop, but at the time it had seemed like a harmless enough idea.

"Yeah, sure," Katie nodded, still amazed. She turned around slowly to take the store in one more time. A stand in the corner caught her eye - a large, beating pink heart over a counter covered with pink lace. The smell that wafted towards her was divine, and before she knew it, she was standing beside the display. And they were giving out free samples.

Lee was in the back of the shop, counting the number of Always Bouncing Balls for inventory purposes. This was rather difficult to do, seeing as the balls would never keep still. "Fifty seven... fifty eight..."

"Allo, Lee. Mind if I ask a quick question?"

Lee looked up, and instantly regretted it. The balls had shifted positions again. "Uh, George, maybe later?"

"Later?"

Lee looked up again just in time to see George's face fall faster than he ever would have imagined. Giving up on any hopes of finishing with the Always Bouncing Balls anytime soon, he sighed heavily and asked, "What's the problem?"

George looked affronted. "Why does any serious conversation always begin with you asking what the problem is? Sure, there usually _is _a problem, but not all the time!"

Lee raised his hands up in defense. "Sorry. Uh, what's up, mate?"

"Well, I have a bit of a problem..."

Lee tried not to roll his eyes as a grin blossomed across George's face. "So, what's the problem?"

"Very long story. Basically - you don't have Humbucker's records around here, do you?"

Lee spun about three times before shaking his head regretfully. "Didn't you put them back in Humbucker's office?"

George grimaced. "I thought so. But now Humbucker's claiming I stole them and a Muggle girl got dragged into this, and -"

"A Muggle Girl?"

George nodded to the door that led through to the rest of the shop. "Yeah. Had to bring her here with me. But honestly, Lee, you're sure you haven't seen them?"

A loud scream filled the air. This was not an incredibly strange occurrence for the joke shop, but with a Muggle girl there, George immediately feared for the worst. "I'll be right back!" he exclaimed, and paused at the door. "And Lee - try using a Freezing Charm on those Always Bouncing Balls."

Of course the scream had come from Katie - and really, what else could George expect? The Muggle girl was standing in the middle of an aisle, attempting in vain to dodge the advances of what appeared to be a green-winged missile. George took another disbelieving look before gasping in understanding. The missile was, in fact, a parakeet. A very impassioned parakeet.

Various other shoppers were standing in a ring around Katie and the parakeet, all gaping at the sight. Several of them were shouting for her to use her wand to get rid of the bird, although no one seemed at all inclined to assist. George shouldered his way past the onlookers, covered his ears at a very unexpected shriek from the bird, and whipped out his wand.

"Petrificus totallus!"

At George's shout, the bird froze in place, hovering several inches above Katie's face. After a pause, the Muggle lowered her arms in relief and cautiously moved out from under the bird.

"W-what was that?" Katie asked shakily.

George looked from her to the empty vial in her hand. "Oh, Dobby's socks," he swore. "You drank the sample, didn't you?"

"It smelled good," she whined, crossing her arms. A scratch ran along her left cheek, and George found himself drawing his wand again and muttering the charm to repair the damage before she noticed it. She blinked. "That tickled."

"Just...look, the records aren't here. I don't know what we're gonna do now, but it's probably best to get you back to the Muggle toy store before anything else... disastrous...happens."

"It wasn't that much of a disaster," she countered, a blush rising in her cheeks. "I - I feel kinda weird, though." In fact, Katie felt more than just weird - having just ingested a heavy dose of love potion, she was feeling quite amorous towards anything and everything. Aside from that parakeet, all was right with the world. "You never did tell me what a Muggle was."

"Oh," George cast a glance over his shoulder at the remaining crowd. As soon as the parakeet had been subdued the curious shoppers had mostly dispersed, but one or two remained to nudge each other and snicker at the bird defecation left on Katie's shoulder. "Remind me later, then. We've got to get going. You - you go on ahead, I'll take care of this guy," he said, tapping the parakeet with his wand. He could've sworn he could see the fowl's beady black eyes focus on Katie again, and bit back a snort of laughter.

"He's not so bad, that bird," Katie grinned dreamily and reached out to stroke the bird's feathered head. "Just misunderstood, eh, little guy?" Again, George tried to keep a straight face.

"Also remind me to look up the counter-jinx for that love potion you just drank."

The look on Katie's face was worth the inconvenience of having to later clean the displays the love-struck bird had decimated. "L-love potion?"

"Yes. Love potion." This time, George couldn't hold back a grin. It'd been so long since he'd laughed, he'd almost forgotten how good it felt.

"Oh. Oops."

He paused to study Katie thoughtfully and then added, "On second thought, don't go on ahead. I don't even want to think of what might happen if I left you alone again."

Katie scowled, although she had to admit that he was probably right.

"So - don't move, don't walk anywhere, don't touch anything. I'll be right back," George directed, and he plucked the parakeet from the air and jogged to the back of the shop.

Lee was still counting the Always Bouncing Balls, although they weren't actually bouncing anymore thanks to the use of a Freezing Charm. He looked up as George entered, sparing only a second to glance at the bird before going back to his counting.

"You aren't even going to ask?"

"I've been working here for two years now, George, and I've known you for much longer. I don't think anything could surprise me now."

George nodded and opened the back door, tossing the parakeet up into the air and simultaneously shouting the counter-jinx to allow the bird to safely fly away. "Anyway, I'm heading back to Archie's shop."

"See you," Lee responded distractedly, penciling in a number on the inventory sheet.

Katie was still standing in the center of the aisle, obviously nervous enough after the parakeet encounter to follow George's instructions to the letter. "Can I move again?" she asked with a grin as he drew close, and in response he held out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion.

For a moment Katie's eyes flickered from George's elbow to his face before she realized what he meant and gingerly took hold. "I'm going to feel sick again, aren't -" she began, but before she could finish, George had Apparated right out of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes and back to Archie's Muggle Toy Shop.


	7. Spell, Discovery, and Technology

**_A/N: _**_So, so, so very sorry with how late I am getting this update out. My fault completely.

* * *

_

_Chapter Seven: In which George performs a finding spell, Meagan and Jay make a startling discovery, and George is technologically challenged._

"Have I mentioned how glad I am that you stuck around to help clean this up?" Jay said, prodding the pile on the floor with her toe. Meagan grumbled something about how she had done all the work, and Jay stuck her tongue out in response. "Don't be like that - I fetched the broom."

Following the teddy bear explosion, fragments of fluffy cotton had found their way inside every single crevice for a three aisle radius, and the two of them had spent the last hour herding the remnants into a rough pile on the floor. Now, Jay crouched with a dustpan while Meagan pushed the rubble all together. Luckily, it had been a slow enough night that customers hadn't really been around to ask too many questions - for the first time in a while, Jay was thankful for the post-Easter lull.

"I still say we never tell anybody about this, ever." Meagan was shaken by the experience, and kept pinching the scratch on her arm to make sure it was still there. Jay, however, had no such difficulty believing the situation; her black eye had swollen magnificently, and ached every time she reached up to adjust her glasses.

"Might have to, if Katie doesn't come back. What if - what if that monster bird ate her? Or the guy in the nightgown - he looked sinister enough!"

Meagan arched an eyebrow. "I don't think - oh my god, what if that redhead guy was actually some sort of magic guy and just spirited her away to some alternate universe and we'll never see her again?"

"I think you've been reading too much Narnia," Jay grumbled. "I'm sure she's fine."

"Don't dis the Narnia," Meagan protested. "He looked sinister, too, though!"

"That's just because he's a redhead - all redheaded guys look sinister to some extent," Jay said. "They just can't help it."

"True enough. Katie still isn't here, though. How're you gonna explain this one to your manager?" Meagan wondered. Jay shrugged.

"It's only seven thirty. Still got an hour and a half to figure it out."

"True, I guess. What're we gonna do with this guy?" Meagan asked, gesturing towards the empty teddy bear skin. Jay shrugged.

"Riff it, I guess, and pray nobody asks what happened? We can always blame it on a customer. They've done enough stupid stuff that we can get away with pinning anything on them," she speculated. Meagan nodded.

"Right, should I go do that now?"

Jay shook her head. "Nah, I'll do it later, before close."

-x-

Of course, Katie was almost sick again. She was a bit surprised to find that the sensation wasn't quite so horrible this time around, and George explained before she could ask the question.

"You're getting used to it, Apparating." He grinned, "Don't think you're gonna throw up this time. Blimey, I hope you won't. That was impressive, though - wish we could get that sort of range out of our Puking Pastilles."

Katie rolled her eyes. "You're making fun of me, right?"

"Course I am. That's how I roll."

"Ah, okay. Can't really tell. Uh, might regret asking this, but...what's a Puking Pastille?" Katie tilted her head to the side. They were now back at the shop owned by that strange man dressed in a nightgown, although Katie couldn't see him around anywhere. The main doors were closed and locked, and most of the lights were now off.

"Are we even allowed in here?" she asked. It felt like Toys R Us did after closing times, all the shelves still and empty, shadows lurking over the tiled floor like some sort of nocturnal monsters.

George left her side, striding quickly to the front counter where something resembling an old fashioned cash register was placed in the corner. "Archie did ask me to help him find the account books," he replied. "So I'd say we look around and see if he misplaced it."

"I told you _not to call me Archie!" _roared a voice from the back room, and Humbucker stormed out to meet them. "_What_ are you doing in here again? Going to steal more of my stuff? And why is the Muggle still here?"

George raised his hands in self defense. "I'm just trying to help find your account books. As for Katie... well, I'm taking her home when I'm done here."

"And just why haven't you taken her home before now?"

Katie raised her eyebrows questioningly. "That's right. You could have taken me back to TRU before."

"You were still feeling sick from your first Apparation," George reminded her. "Do you really think you would have done so well Apparating twice in a row?"

Katie blinked twice. "That's true."

Archie was glaring at them again, a common occurance for George. "If you're going to do something productive, I sure hope you get it done fast. If not, you can Apparate right out of here."

"Don't worry, Archie - Mr. Humbucker," George answered smoothly. "We're being very productive indeed." With those words he pulled out a long, wooden stick - a wand, Katie realized bemusedly - and waved it about while muttering something under his breath. A soft, grey mist floated from the wand and began to seep through the store, spreading out down the aisles and to each of the four walls.

"Oi! What's that you're doing?" Humbucker exclaimed, jumping back in a vain attempt to avoid the mist. Katie watched as it swirled past her, tickling her arms and face.

"It's a seeker charm," George explained. "If the record books are anywhere in the store, the mist will gather over that spot and lead us right to them."

"And if the mist doesn't do anything?" Katie asked.

George scratched his chin. "Then the books aren't in the store."

Humbucker paused to look around and the fog. "The books aren't in the store."

"You have to give it a few minutes to work."

Katie held still and watched carefully, but the mist just swirled around and about until she could see nothing but dim grey all around her. "How long does it take to work?" she asked finally.

"Not this long," George admitted glumly. With another murmured word, the mist gradually faded, until Katie could once again see right to the far wall. She rubbed at her arms - they were a bit damp from the fog. "Now what?"

"Now-" George paused dramatically before his shoulders slumped. "Now, I don't know."

Archie gave a shout of triumph mingled with fury. "Aha! Boy, the Ministry will sort this out now! Thief!"

"No!" George protested, "I didn't take them, or I mean, I did, but I swear I gave them back!"

At that very moment, Katie's cell phone rang. Archie jumped about a foot and a half, letting loose another wizard swear. "What in the blazes is THAT infernal racket?"

Katie couldn't help but grin. "It's called a cell phone." She flipped the device open and answered the call, "Hello?"

-x-

About fifteen minutes earlier, Jay and Meagan had finally finished with their clean-up job. The aisles of Toys "R" Us were cleaner than Jay had seen them in a year and a half of employment, and Meagan was happy too (mostly because they had finally put away the broom).

"Well, I'd say that's a job well done," Jay said. She crossed her arms over her vest and tried to look smug, a difficult task when one's shirt is the same color as a firetruck.

"Yeah, except you didn't do any of it!" Meagan complained, sitting on a wooden shelf beside a bevy of stuffed unicorns.

"Hey, still a job well done," Jay raised her hands in self-defense. "And we've got a few minutes to kill before close. I vote we go find the Nerf swords and pretend to be Jedi!"

"You really are insane."

"Why, thank you."

"Is that seriously what you guys do, working here?" Meagan asked. She couldn't help but feel that her friend was pulling her leg. Jay, however, gave a lopsided grin.

"Well, yeah. What else do you expect us to do, actually work?" she laughed, and Meagan made a face.

"Don't mock me," she pouted, and Jay gave a grin.

"Anyways, anything else need to be cleaned up? Think we got it all," she mused, and Meagan blinked.

"The teddy bear! And nobody knows where Katie went!" She sprang off the shelf and spun about in a vain attempt to remember which direction the teddy bear was.

"Oh, right. That." Jay confidently strode off down the aisle, with Meagan hot on her heels.

Soon they were standing over the half-shredded stuffed animal, gazing down at it with something akin to fear. "The owl isn't in it anymore," Meagan remarked, more to remind herself that there was no real need to be scared than to tell her friend. Jay took comfort from the statement anyway.

"Right. Help me lift it, then."

Both bent down and narrowly avoided conking heads, before each taking hold of one giant teddy-bear arm and lifting. The bear should have been very light - it was a stuffed animal, after all, and had lost half its stuffing to boot - but it was as though something inside it were still weighing it down.

"Huh." Jay dropped her end of the teddy bear, surprising Meagan momentarily before she, too, released the arm. "Is something still inside it?"

"The bird couldn't have figured out how to get back in, could it?" Meagan asked worriedly. In response Jay sprang back a solid three feet, eyes widening in terror.

But the teddy bear did not move, and eventually Meagan worked up the courage to flip the bear over. Nothing happened. Jay wordlessly handed Meagan a lightsaber, which was then used to prod the teddy bear's carcass until, with a clatter, a red leather book fell out.

The lightsaber and teddy bear were instantly forgotten, as both pairs of eyes studied the binding. There were no markings on it, and when Jay finally picked it up and flipped it open, both girls were faced with slightly browned pages covered in columns of numbers.

"Accounts..." Meagan said, beginning to work it out. "Hey - didn't that man in the nightgown say something about accounts?"

"Stolen accounts," Jay said in agreement. "Hey - and the thief hid them in this teddy bear!"

Both eyes returned to the torn apart stuffed animal that lay in shreds on the floor. "Well," Jay said finally, "I guess we should let Katie know."

"If she's still in this dimension," Meagan muttered, but Jay ignored her as she reached for her phone.

-x-

Back in Archie's magic shop, Katie broke out into a grin. "Hey, George? It's for you," she beamed as she handed the phone over.

"What do I - do - with it?" he asked, examining the electronic device with obvious distaste.

"You hold it to your ear and talk into it," she explained, and blinked. "Never used one of these before?"

"So, it's like a - a mechanical Extendable Ear? Is that it?" he wondered, holding the phone up to his ear as if he expected it to bite him. When sound came out, he was almost as shocked, holding it away. "That sounds like your friend! Is she - is she inside this thing?"

Now it was Katie's turn to try to not laugh at his in-expertness. "Of course she's not. You're hearing her over the - you know, I'm actually not totally sure how these things work, but she's not inside the phone. Just talk into the bit with the speaker, she'll hear you."

"Oh." George adjusted his grip on the phone, and closed his eyes as if it would make some sort of difference to the quality of sound.

"Hi, you were looking for a file or something, right?" George had to rack his memory for a few seconds before he recalled the name of Katie's friend.

"Jaylin?"

"Jay, but that's beside the point. Look, ask that guy in that horrible nightgown if it was in a red binder type thing? I think we've got it over here. Your owl must've had it and dropped it in the teddy bear when Meagan and I caught it." She sounded triumphant, and George felt a huge smile spread over his face.

"Oi, Archie?" he asked. Miles away, Jay grimaced and held her phone away from her ear - George was unaware that the loudness of his voice over the speaker had a direct relationship to the distance of his mouth from the receiver.

"The name," the nightgown-clad wizard groused, "Is Humbucker."

"Oi, Humbucker?"

Katie snickered, and the old man glowered. "What?"

"Were your files inside a red folio, by any chance?" George tried to make his voice as light as possible, and both he and Katie crossed fingers behind their backs. The two caught each other's eye, and quickly looked away.

"Why, yes, of course it was. Red, as you should know, is the color of prosperity and luck."

"And pompous?" George muttered.

"Pardon?"

"Nothing. Katie, come with me? Let's go finish this thing."

-x-


	8. Problem Solving, Group Hug, and Cloning

**_A/N: _**_And this is it - the final chapter of OWN! Hope you all enjoyed this just as much as I did. Thanks for reading, reviewing, and all the rest.

* * *

_

_Chapter Eight: In which the problem is solved, there is a group hug, Chaubauxdeux is cloned, and Katie returns to work._

Meagan jumped back in alarm and Jaylene dropped her phone with a clatter as George and Katie appeared with a slight pop at their side.

"You're back! You're alive!" Meagan exclaimed as she jumped forward to embrace her friend. Jaylene joined them, and just as they were about to pull apart, George joined in too.

"What?" he asked innocently as everyone cast him funny looks. "I love group hugs. Now where're the files?"

Meagan ran over to the counter where the red book was waiting, and brought it back triumphantly. "This _is_ it, right?"

"Absolutely!" George confirmed with a grin. He accepted the book almost reverently and then held it aloft in triumph. "I _didn't_ steal it! It was Chaubauxdeux all along. Ha!"

Jaylene and Meagan performed a victory dance, complete with hand-movements, facial expressions, and a loud "WHOOP!" at the end.

Katie turned to George. "So - you're leaving now, then, right?" She looked away quickly, and then remembered something. "Hey, you never explained what a Muggle was!"

"Didn't I?" George responded weakly. "I guess I'll have to come back and visit you sometime, then."

"Absolutely," Katie replied. "And don't you forget that, either. Hey - do you have a cell number?"

"A what?"

Katie remembered how George had acted towards her cell and deduced that he did not. "How about facebook? E-mail? Twitter?"

George's expression remained blank.

"Don't you have _anything_ to keep in touch?"

Realization crossed his face. "I have Chaubauxdeux. He's one fast little owl."

"You really use your owl for communications?"

He frowned. "Is there something wrong with that?"

Katie twisted her fingers together, trying to come up a way to say what was on her mind without sounding incredibly awkward. "I, uh, don't have any owls."

"Oh."

There was a pause before George's face brightened again, and he cast a surreptitious glance around them. Meagan and Jaylene were the only ones nearby, and they were still wrapped up repeating in their victory dance. With a murmured spell, George flicked his wand, and a little miniature version of Chaubauxdeux appeared in the air between them.

Instantly Meagan and Jaylene stopped dancing, mouths dropping open in twin expressions of horror at the sight of duplicate owls.

"You can talk to mini-Chaubauxdeux and it will record a message from you to me. Works in the opposite direction, too," George explained. "Doesn't need food or water, doesn't make a mess, and sleeps most of the time. Practically like an action figure."

"An action figure that can move," Katie commented in amazement, and George belatedly remembered that Muggle action figures were stiff pieces of wood or plastic. "Wow. What's its name? Mini-Chaubauxdeux?" George nodded. "I'll call him Chaubi for short, because he's smaller," Katie decided, and carefully slipped the owl into her pocket.

"See you around then," George said lightly.

"Yup," Katie replied. "See you soon." She hesitated, watching him. Funny, the cute ones were always completely insane. He grinned, thinking something along the lines of the same thing.

Turning back to the doors, George sighed. "Guess I'd better get this back to Archie before he blows a gasket. See you soon, Katie," he said, and, with a pop, George was gone.

Meagan and Jaylene still wore near-identical expressions of shock and terror.

"Are you - are you keeping that thing? It's d-dangerous!" Meagan asked, unsteadily. Jaylene raised a hand to shield her already bruised eye. Katie, on the other hand, couldn't remember ever smiling so hard.

"Yup."

FIN


End file.
